🪺When Words Fail Us: The Unexpected Power of Scripts in Special Needs Parenting

🪺 Glimmer Nest - Stories of Resilience, Strategies for Thriving

Jun 15, 2025

I still write everything down before ordering pizza over the phone. Every single time. Even if it's just a medium cheese pizza, even if I've ordered from the same place dozens of times.

The notepad comes out. The pen clicks. And I write: "One medium cheese pizza. Address: [our address]. Phone number: [our number]."

For years, I thought this was just me being overly cautious. Maybe I'm a little anxious. Okay, maybe a lot. But as I've learned more about my own potential neurodivergence, I've come to understand something profound: scripts aren't a crutch. They're tools. And for those of us navigating the complex world of special needs parenting, they might just be essential.

The Scripts We Don't Talk About

Throughout my career, I've written countless scripts. Customer service scripts for de-escalating frustrated customers. Hiring and firing scripts for human resources situations. Scripts for tough conversations with people experiencing homelessness. Scripts for handling situations where people were becoming physically violent.

Scripts can work. They provide structure when emotions run high, clarity when stress clouds our thinking, and confidence when we feel most vulnerable.

Yet somehow, when it comes to the most important conversations of our lives—advocating for our children, asking for help, navigating medical appointments—we often wing it. Sometimes we’re so confused about what to do we never land anywhere. And other times maybe it feels like having prepared words makes us less authentic or genuine.

I'm here to tell you: that's not true.

When Words Become Lifelines

Earlier this year, I shared about my journey with asking for help, and the response was overwhelming. So many of you resonated with that feeling of words getting stuck in your throat or your mind going blank and having no words when you need them most.

But what happens when it's not just about asking for help? What happens when you're sitting across from a doctor delivering difficult news about your child? When you're in an IEP meeting where every word matters? When you're trying to explain to a family member why your child's behavior isn't "just a phase"?

These are the moments when our brains can go into fight or flight. When the careful points we wanted to make disappear. When we walk away thinking, "I should have said something different."

This is where scripts become not just helpful, but potentially transformative.

Why Our Brains Betray Us

There's actual neuroscience behind why words fail us in high-stress situations. When we're overwhelmed, our brains go into survival mode, making it harder to access the parts responsible for language and complex reasoning.

For those of us who might be neurodivergent, this effect can be even more pronounced. Add in the emotional weight of advocating for our children, and it's no wonder we sometimes feel tongue-tied when we need to be at our most articulate.

Scripts can help bypass this biological response. When we've thought through our words in advance, when we've written them down, when we've even practiced them out loud, we're creating pathways that remain accessible even under stress.

I actually tend to put notes in my phone these days that serve more as prompts so I don’t forget what I wanted to say/ask. I realized that if I pulled out a notebook or piece of paper the person I was speaking with might become overwhelmed!

My pizza-ordering script might seem trivial, but it's part of a larger pattern that has served me well as both a professional and a parent. For me, writing has always meant remembering. From class notes to work meeting notes, I need to write things down to function properly. Over time I’ve learned this isn't a weakness—it's an adaptation that allows me to show up fully in important moments.

The Liberation of Preparation

There's something deeply liberating about having words ready when you need them. It's the difference between hoping you'll find the right response in the moment and knowing you already have tools in your toolkit.

This doesn't mean being robotic. The best scripts leave room for genuine connection and spontaneous conversation. They're a foundation, not a ceiling.

I think about that seventh-grade history teacher who saw past my silence, who took me aside without making a big deal out of it, read my test aloud and let me talk through my answers. He didn't have perfect words—he had an intuitive understanding of what I needed and likely some key phrases to make me feel less self- conscious and more open to his approach. Sometimes our scripts serve the same purpose: creating bridges when traditional communication breaks down.

Beyond "Winging It"

Here's what I've learned about effective communication in high-stakes situations: preparation isn't the enemy of authenticity. It's the pathway to it.

When I know what I want to say about my son's autism, I can focus on connecting with the person I'm talking to. When I have language ready for explaining his needs, I can be present for their response. When I've prepared for difficult conversations, I can actually engage in them rather than avoiding them.

The most powerful scripts aren't about controlling every word of every conversation. They're about giving yourself the confidence to show up when it matters most.

Teaching Through Modeling

Perhaps most importantly, when we model thoughtful communication for our children, we're teaching them that it's okay to prepare for difficult conversations. That taking time to find the right words isn't weakness—it's wisdom.

My son has watched me write notes before phone calls. He's seen me prepare talking points before important meetings. I hope what he's learning is that important conversations deserve our most thoughtful communication. I’m laughing as I write this because he often comments on how “mommy has A LOT of notebooks.” He isn’t wrong.

Scripts as Self-Advocacy

At the end of the day, scripts are a form of self-advocacy. They're a way of saying, "My thoughts and my child's needs matter enough for me to put care into how I express them."

For those of us who are neurodivergent, for those of us parenting children with complex needs, for those of us who sometimes feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of important conversations we need to have—scripts aren't just helpful. They're empowering.

Your words matter. Your child's story matters. And taking time to prepare how you'll share both isn't just okay—it's one of the most powerful things you can do!

Building Your Own Toolkit

If you're thinking about developing your own collection of go-to phrases, remember that scripts evolve. What sounds right on paper might need tweaking in real conversations. The goal isn't perfection—it's preparation.

The beauty of scripts is that they work for different communication styles and situations. Whether you're naturally direct or relationship-focused, whether you're talking to busy professionals or detail-oriented specialists, having frameworks helps you adapt your approach while staying true to your message.

This topic resonates deeply with so many families, which is why I created The Courage in Asking: A Help-Seeking Script Bank for Special Needs Parents as a Glimmer Guide.

This guide contains ready-to-use scripts for medical appointments, school meetings, family conversations, emergency situations, and so much more. It includes specific phrases for different communication styles, strategies for teaching your child to ask for help, and frameworks for building your own script library. It's everything I wish I'd had when I first started advocating for my son. Here’s a sample of what you’ll find inside:

This resource is available to you! Below, you'll get immediate access to this guide plus our growing library of practical resources designed for work-from-home parents with high-needs kids.

I would love to hear more about what scripts would help you navigate your path. There are so many important conversations that can leave us feeling speechless or completely paralyzed, and I want you to know you're not alone in that struggle.

Give yourself permission to feel nervous at first—that's completely normal. Then try breaking it down: What specific support do you need? What's the worst-case scenario you're imagining? What would a successful conversation actually look like for your family?

Sometimes we get so focused on finding the perfect words that we forget the most important part: we're advocating for our children because we love them fiercely. That love comes through, even when our words feel clumsy.

The courage to ask for help isn't about having all the answers—it's about taking that first brave step toward getting your child what they need.

Sending everyone hugs,

P.S. If you're ready to move beyond feeling stuck when you need to ask for help, my script bank guide gives you ready-to-use phrases for every situation—from school meetings to family conversations to crisis moments. Because the right words at the right time can change everything for your family.

P.P.S If you’re wondering why I’m not doing paid subscriptions after attempting to launch that feature last week … It’s a gut thing. I want more parents to have these guides and I would love subscribers, too! Putting paywall on it at this time just doesn’t feel right to me. I’ll also still gladly accept coffees… (see below). I’m lifting the paywall off the summer activity guide today, too! 💝

See all the Glimmer Guides so far, here!

Inside "The Courage in Asking" Guide you'll find:

Over 60 ready-to-use scripts for school meetings, medical appointments, family conversations, and crisis situations
4 different conversation approaches so you can find what feels authentic to your communication style
Practical scenarios with exact phrases for childcare emergencies, IEP meetings, and requesting respite care
Communication strategies tailored for different personality types (direct, detail-oriented, relationship-focused, and busy people)
Self-advocacy scripts for when you need to push back against professionals or systems
Teaching frameworks to help your child learn to ask for help at every age

A 22-page guide that gives you the exact words to use when your family needs support most.

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